Love Me or Hate Me, but Never Forget Me
by StrifeDaethWingedAngel
Summary: Cloud reflects on what his time was like with Zack... Or at least what he can remember of it. ZackxCloud Rated M just to be safe


**Disclaimer**: I have no part in the owning of Final Fantasy VII or any of it's characters. Though we all wish that we do. They hate us.

**Warning**: This is, in some parts, malexmale, so if that sort of thing creeps you out... RUN AWAY!!! Run like your life depends on it! ...Otherwise you can just keep reading. ;;

**Summary**: Cloud reflects on what his time was like with Zack... Or at least what he can remember of it.

**A/N**: Right, this is getting long as it is, so I'll try to keep it nice and short. This isn't my first fic _ever_. If it was, well... I dunno, something would be different about my setting this up or something. Either way, whatever. XD This is my first oneshot, however... It's not all lemony as I'm just... Not quite confident enough with myself to write something like that, but... I'm sure you can live.

**Love Me or Hate Me, but Never Forget Me**

The rain just kept beating down on the window, like tomorrow would never be there for it to keep on raining. But tomorrow would come, he could feel it in his veins. Tomorrow would always come for him, even if he willed it not to. Even if he wanted to give up and just freeze himself in today, tomorrow would always show up unannounced and unwanted. Holding on to the windowsill was all he could do to keep himself from collapsing of shame and exhaustion. How much longer did he have to suffer through this regret? How much longer did he have to go on wishing that instead of their deaths on his hands, he could be the one that was dead? What sort of sick and twisted demon wanted him to suffer so much that it wouldn't let this world release him? He already knew the answer to that, there was no need to ask the question. The one who started it all and, in some way or another, caused the death of his closest friends. Sephiroth, the One Winged Angel, Gaia's worst nightmare. Even in death he wouldn't let Cloud rest.

He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and turned, hoping to see Aeris' smiling face. However, it was Tifa instead, not that he minded anymore. Someone was better than no one these days. It was hard, dealing with these thoughts on his own, and seeing _someone_ smiling at him was a gift from someone who truly loved him. Tifa laid her head on his shoulder and watched out the window with him.

"It'll stop... It can't go on forever," she said. He knew what she really meant, though. The pain would stop eventually; he wouldn't always feel it.

He said nothing in return, only closed his eyes and wished for the sun to start shining. Just like the rain had been Aeris' tears coming down to save them from the geostigma, the sun would be her smile, saving them from depression and minor colds. He entwined one of his hands with Tifa's and fell into a dreamy state, one that he knew he wouldn't wake up from for another half an hour or so. It happened frequently, and she stayed through it all. Even if Denzel or Marlene came in needing her for something, she just told them to wait. She was all he had left now and he wasn't going to let her go. Sure, there were his friends, but they didn't know him like she did. Hell, he was sure she wasn't even aware of how well she knew him and his every move. Sometimes she'd get to that point of understanding him and what he was thinking, but it would fade as soon as it would come and she would go back to saying how she didn't understand his reasoning.

In his mind the rain faded and the sun was out. He wasn't even in the bar anymore. Now he was standing beside an officer of a rank higher than himself (who _wasn't _higher than a cadet? Other than the janitors). He could see Zack standing off to the side, watching the class and seeing how they were doing. Cloud wasn't joining in on their training, no. He was under punishment for starting that fight just the day before. He didn't know who he started it with or why, he just knew that was why he was standing away from everyone else. His blonde spikes made him stick out from the rest of the class that had brown or black hair. His bright blue eyes didn't help that matter either, where as their eyes were all a duller color. He knew that he should look like that, that dullness, being as depressed as he was at such a young age. However, his eyes attracted the attention of Zachary — something he regretted as an adult, knowing that he was the reason that cheery man died.

"Cadet Strife, you understand how much this hurts you in the long run, not being able to practice even one day, don't you?" The sergeant said to him, obviously highly displeased.

"Yes, sir." Cloud said, staring straight ahead and trying to avoid Zack's eyes. He always made things worse when he came around.

"I can't hear you, Cadet!"

"Yes, sir!"

Zack stepped forward and the sergeant immediately saluted. However, he was ignored as Zack took Cloud by the arm and led him away from the group. Cloud could feel his face reddening with embarrassment and anger. He hated it when Zack pulled him out of class like this. He, in a way, hated Zack himself. So therefore, whenever he came in contact with the First class SOLDIER he'd always call him Zachary, seeing as he hated it so much. However, he always seemed to just brush it off. It wasn't fair. Why was he so unaffected by everything that Cloud did?

The image faded and they were in a hallway. It wasn't the Shinra building, no, it was Zack's apartment. He had been on his way to the bathroom, but now he couldn't go any farther. Zack held him against the wall, his face still red from the argument they'd just endured. Of course, he'd recently made a habit of spending his extra time with Zack and they rarely argued, so this experience was hard on both of them. They stared into each other's eyes, neither one wanting to give up that they had been right. The reason as to why they were fighting was lost to Cloud, just like the fight he'd started with that boy, but he still felt as if he had been right.

All at once Cloud felt the world closing in on him. In reality it was really just Zack's lips coming in contact with his own, 'causing him to gasp and freeze with shock. What could he do when he wasn't really sure what was going on? He felt Zack's tongue enter his mouth and he panicked, pushing him back against the opposite wall. Even that couldn't stop Zachary from getting what he wanted. He was back again within seconds, wrapping his arms around Cloud's small, yet muscular frame. Cloud couldn't make up his mind. Return the affection, or shove him away? Shoving him away was out of the question, his hold was too tight and it constricted his arms. Returning the feelings was difficult when his mind was running in circles. Finally he broke down, his eyes burning with tears that he really didn't want to shed, and his mind not giving him a straight answer. He looked up at Zack who just smiled down at him, tears falling from his eyes. How could someone so strong just cry like that? Why was he crying? Was it because he'd pushed him away? If that was the case then he'd gladly accept him. Tears didn't belong in any sort of contact with Zack.

This time he kissed Zack, but his reception was different than the one he'd given Zack. He was accepted and no thought was needed before the SOLDIER returned and deepened the shy kiss he had received. Their bodies dropped to the ground in unison, no communication needed to tell the other what they wanted. They understood without words. The touches they gave were enough to let each other know how they felt. Cloud's were shy and unsure, not really confident with what he was doing, letting Zack know he wanted to take this a step at a time. Zack's touches were confident and loving, letting Cloud know that he would do what Cloud wanted and when he wanted it, and that because he knew what he was doing no harm would come from anything that they did.

Again the image faded, but this time he was faced with something much more terrifying than before. Fire, the well, Sephiroth's back, Zack pulling him out of a building. The whole thing was just flashes. It was the part of his life that he knew so well, but remembered so little of. He and Zack were running from something, Shinra soldiers most likely. Zack was doing most of the hauling seeing as he couldn't move a muscle. He could see everything in front of him, his vision wasn't impaired. Somehow his nerves weren't working, though. The mako, he knew that was what had done it. The mako wouldn't let him move and that frustrated his body.

Another flash brought him to a cliff, one he knew very well. He wanted to shout and tell Zack to run away, but all he could do was slump against the tree that he was rested on. Zack had been wounded because of him. Zack was having trouble maneuvering because of him and now... Now Zack was going to die because of him. He heard the shots more than he actually saw them, the men were so far away. Repeatedly Zack was shot and repeatedly, so was Cloud's heart. He felt the walls around his mind crumbling and then being rebuilt with something else, something Zack had given him. His memories were no longer just his own, but Zack's too. He was no longer just Cloud, but Zack also. He could no longer live his own life... Until Hojo finally told him what he was just a week or so later.

Cloud opened his eyes, the rain shaking him from his dream. He was now in bed, Tifa's head resting on his chest and his arm wrapped around her. He smiled, knowing that she was the closest thing he had to what he'd felt with Zack. She was his first crush and now was his last (though crush was hardly the word to describe her now). If anything happened to her, he wasn't sure that he'd be able to make it through another day. As he let the methodical rhythm of the rain lull him back to sleep, a voice echoed in his head.

_You can love me, or you can hate me, it doesn't really matter. But damn it, don't you **dare** ever forget me._

**/End**

**A/N**: Okay, so the ending was really cheesy... Alright, I admit, the whole thing was kinda cheesy. XD I'm full of cheese. -has cheese pouring out of ears- Anyways, I hope it wasn't too hard for you to read. It has to be one of the shortest things I've ever written. (Aside from this one Inu-Yasha thing that I did a looong time ago, but I was just starting out then.) The point of it was to be short and sweet anyway, so I guess I achieved that.

I liked it, but I'd really like to know what you people think, 'cause... What does my opinion matter if the reader doesn't like it?! ;;

(Push the review button, you know you want to... It should say 'don't push' or something... Everyone pushes those.)


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